So this is a bit of a delicate subject. I have a secret to tell.
I love my job and hate staying home with the kids. I know, I know, baaaadd Mummy. Bad Parent!
Let me explain. It’s just been half term. Two whole weeks of nothing to do but stay home and listen to four kids shout. And play. A lot. In surround sound and HD!
Now we had all kinds of plans of what to do with the kids. Take them the world museum. Go the park. Show them our beautiful Hogwarts style Central library here in Liverpool and show them where dreams and imagination become real.
We’ll take them for a swim we said. Or the fun house. Or a lovely stroll down our beautiful dock area that’s filled with history and culture and the arts.
Then it rained. A lot.
So we rested for few days, which turned into a week. Which then turned into two.
And do you know what happened?
We did fuck all. And I went stir crazy!
Now, because I’m well read and I love to study and, as Peppa Pig would say, ‘I am a clever clogs’ I knew exactly what was happening. But I just couldn’t be arsed doing anything about it. Because you’re brain is a funny thing.
The less you do, the less energy you have to do anything else. Ironic huh?
So here’s 4 things you didn’t know about your brain and how it can fuck you up.
1. When you don’t achieve something, you become dopamine deficient which makes you feel depressed
2. If you don’t get out in sunlight, you become vitamin D deficient which makes you feel like sad
3. The more you sit around the more energy your body conserves and you’re body goes into a sort of waking coma (Not the technical term, but that’s what feels like)
4. When the weather is overcast but not raining, it makes you feel drained (and gives you crazy dreams and headaches too!)
But I also knew another piece of key information. Sometimes we just need to bloody rest too.
So that’s what we did. Well, we did bake some cupcakes aswell.
But as the weeks dragged on a funny thing started to happen. I couldn’t wait to get back to work!
I know, crazy right?
But the truth is I’ve worked very hard to be my own boss. Because I’ve done the shitty 16 hour shifts. The 5am starts and 7am finishes. I’ve missed the family parties and when my niece (who I helped raise) was little, it crucified me dropping her off crying at nursery because I had to go to work.
So when I had my own little’uns, I drew the line. I took control of my future, my finances, MY TIME and I became my own boss.
And do you know. It’s tough. It takes years of work to become an overnight success.
But d’ya know what? I LOVE IT!
I love being creative. Like right now? It’s a Monday morning and I’m in my office rocking to some 90’s old skool dance tunes while I tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. That there is a career out there for you where you get to do what you LOVE and where you get to bring your light to the world; where you aren’t forced to leave your kids if you don’t want to. Or where you CAN spend all day at home with your kids if that’s what you love to do.
But you see that’s the mad thing and the thing that may makes me sound like a bitch. I actually hate being at home with my kids all day.
Summer holidays were a vicious cycle of cleaning, washing, cooking and doing never ending dishes while various toddlers cling to my legs. I hated it. I crave stimulation. My brain cries out for new and exciting things. I love how amazing the world is. How fascinating people are. And I crave adult conversation too. Watching Peppa Pig all day makes me want to blow my brains out.
And if your reading this and secretly thinking ‘Me too’ that’s ok. It doesn’t mean we’re bad people. It just means in order to be our best selves, in order to be A HAPPIER PARENT you need to make time for what you love to do too.
Because one of the biggest things I help my clients do, is find their magic so they can bring it to the world. Because when you light yourself up, you light up the world round you too.
And that includes your kids.
So if you love your kids and hate your career, go find a different one. There is literally thousands of jobs out there. If you love your kids but need time for yourself, make time. Some days I get up at 5:30am just so I can watch Frasier and enjoy my morning coffee in peace!
Go the gym, take up a sport, learn kung fu. Do that secret thing you’ve always wanted to do but didn’t think you could or should do. (For me it’s learning to sing, I sound like a cat in choke hold)
You deserve to be happy. You deserve a life of balance and joy and so do your kids. Find your light so your kids can see you shine because you CAN HAVE IT ALL!
You’ve just gotta find a way to do it, that’s all. I’m nothing spectacular. I’m a hard worker and got myself an education. But I grew up on a council estate to a single Mum who had to work two jobs to support us. The only thing that sets me apart is that I refused to give up when life knocks me back. And even thats just probably because I’m a stubborn cow!
I love work, it makes me feel fulfilled and thats nothing to be ashamed of. So don’t feel guilty if you enjoy your career. Not all of us are cut out to be stay at home parents. My husband loves it. When he finished his degree in psychology he decided, much to everyones horror, to be a stay at home Dad. So that’s his job. He stays at home and takes care of the family while I go out and take of care of my business. But I did have to say to some people ‘Why is it ok for a women to give up her career for their kids but not when a man does it?’ Everyone has a right to do what they love but we’ve been conditioned to fit into very rigid pigeon holes. The truth is we both love spending our days doing what we enjoy.
It’s much better then the days when we both had to work full time in jobs that crushed our souls and let our talents go to waste. But no one gave us this lifestyle. I had to go out and make it work for us.
And you can too. Do you want to know how? As soon as your little brain goes ‘I can’t do that’ I want you do go ‘No hang on there a minute mate, how CAN I do it?’
Because once your brain goes ‘I can’t’ it will stop working on the problem. But when you go ‘How can I?’ you wonderful little subconscious will go off, find itself a nice little stool in a quiet little nook inside your brain and sit there and ponder it until it finds a solution.
And that’s all it takes. The difference between success and failure. Saying ‘I will’ instead of ‘I can’t’.
And lets face it, if they can get a rocket on the moon surely you can find a way to have a career that you love. Right?