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Cheeky Reset: What to do when life punches you in the gut. Again.

Blog: Cheeky reset

So first I must apologise for not talking to you for a while. I’ll be honest, it’s been a tough one lately. So you know how I always bang on about bad things happen for a good reason? Well something happened to me recently that floored me, just a bit.

And it’s taken me a few weeks to wrap my head round it.

I got spiked with the date rape drug.

I’m not a big raver. In fact, I never really was. I was always in work.

Now I’m a Mum of 4, I very rarely go out. Maybe 2 or 3 times a year tops.

But it was my Dad’s anniversary in April. Two years since he died. When it happened I was pregnant so didn’t have the luxury of wallowing in the loss.

The first year, I was coping with life after a newborn who was born 2 months early so this year, I really wanted to celebrate my Dads life. So my niece and I went for Tapas (My Dad loved Spain). We went out at 5ish, finished the meal at 7. Had a few drinks in quiet bar. At 9pm we moved on to another bar that I love. At 9:30 I text my husband to say goodnight.

By 10pm my niece and I were destroyed. She could barely stand up. I went from tipsy to shit faced wrecked in the space of about 10 minutes.

Now I’m not a big drinker, but I come from a long line of alcoholics on one side, and thoroughbred Irish on the other. So I can handle my ale.

Now as some of you might know from my ABOUT page, I was nearly raped on a night out. So when it comes to drinking, even when I’m thoroughly and happily drunk, I’m still hyper vigilant. I never leave my drinks unattended. I never let my friends go the toilet alone. If a gent comes up to me to chat, even when I’m rotten drunk, im still sussing them out, being wary. I don’t trust anyone. Which is sad, but true. I see everyone as a threat to me and mine. But it’s also a blessing, because I only let people near me who I trust on instinct. I’ve learned that my inner radar is very very good at sussing people out. Being Emphathic helps too (You can learn about that HERE)

So when all of a sudden I found myself inexplicably bladdered, as I watch my lovely, 18 year old niece almost sliding off the couch (She can hold her own too) my hyper vigilant nature threw my fight of flight response into high gear.

One minute we were at the table and I was trying to figure what had happened, the next thing I knew we where in a taxi on the outskirts of town pulled over while my niece vomited all over the street. I don’t even know how we got in the cab.

By the time we got home at 10:30 my husband had to carry us both out of the taxi because we could barely stand up.

And so ensued several hours of vomiting, shivering, and hysterics from me, of hours waiting for an ambulance. Of passing out and coming to. Of screaming my head off that terrified my poor kids asleep upstairs. I was so fucking angry and so fucking furious that someone could take away my control that I absolutely lost it. And I’ll be honest. It scared the shit out of me. Too many times in my life have I had my power taken away from me. Nearly being raped, nearly dying of pneumonia, being in the London bombings and that’s not even half of the stuff I’ve been through.

So it shook me up. Badly. And I didn’t quite know what to do with it. The first thing I learned is that thanks to all that shit I’ve been through, my hyper vigilance kept us safe. As soon as I knew this wasn’t my normal, I had us in a taxi and we off. I wasn’t even aware I was doing it (God bless you subconscious) God knows where we might of ended up if my paranoid brain hadn’t told me to run.

The other thing I learned was the importance of knowing yourself. Now I’ve been through a hell of a lot. But what I’ve learned in all the hell I’ve been through is who I am at my core. NO ONE can give you this information. You can’t by it on a course, or find your answers in a book (believe me I’ve tried) You only find out who you truly are when life tempers you. When it brings you up to breaking point, but stops before you snap. And the years of drinking, the happy nights out doing tequila shots and beer bongs, back in the good old days when it was buy one get one free on bottles of WKD and 50p shots, yeah I learned what drunk feels like for me. But do you want to know something? No matter how pissed I seem, no matter how drunk, I still think clearly. I’m still aware of who’s behind me, where the exits are, where the fire escapes are, where the token weirdo is who might be a threat. So I was able to recognise and react very very quickly when I recognised something was up.

No one can give you this information, but no one can take it away from you either. Knowing yourself through and through is the greatest and most powerful gift you can give yourself.

Who are you? Why do you do the things you do? Where did those reactions come from? What memories are driving your behavior?

I’m hyper vigilant because I’ve been through several life threatening situations. My brain lives in a place that sees everything as a threat. This isn’t normal although it is very common in people who’ve been through traumatic experiences and it is a major sign of PTSD.

(If you constantly worry something bad is going to happen its called General Anxiety. It’s also common in parents who panic about the safety of their kids especially if you’ve been through a traumatic birth. You should look in to Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) if you experience this)

Our actions and behaviours are fueled by the experiences we have. Which is great, because once you are aware of this, you can change it. Or use it to your advantage. By knowing yourself and what fuels your behaviour you can pick and choose which parts of your nature you love, and what bits you’d like to change.

To change a behaviour find the memory that causes it. Then forgive it, journal it away or adapt and learn a new way to handle similar situations.

The other thing I learned from this experience is that sometimes, life gives us an opportunity to do what my husband likes to call ‘A cheeky reset’.

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So life punched me in the gut again. I got the wind knocked out of me, had to hit the deck for a while and keep my head down while I wrapped my brain around the trauma. Then once I figured it out, I jumped back in and carried on.

I love gaming (when I get the chance) so for all my fellow 90’s geeks, lets use Lara Croft as an example. Back in the days before you could spawn straight back in where you left off things were tough for us old skool gamers. I’m talking, get killed, have to start the whole frustrating level again. Well, that’s what happens in life. You fume because life killed you off for bit, but when you come back, you’re a little bit wiser. A little bit more in the ‘know’.

There are no failures in life. Yes sometimes it takes us a few frustrating goes to get passed each level. To climb up on to the next bit of enlightenment or get over your next hurdle. But you always feel a sense of achievement when you do. It would be no fun if it was easy. It’s in our nature to like a challenge.

So that’s what this was for me. A point in my life where it was game over, just for a while. Because I’m choosing to start over again. Im choosing to pick up where I left off. Because the game can’t beat you unless you choose to quit.

So the next time life floors you just remember it’s chance for you to start over and move forward wiser then you was before. It’s not game over. It’s not the end. It’s just a cheeky reset.

Can I ask you, are you happy?

When was the last time you felt truly happy? Like actually completely content? Tough one init? It’s shocking isn’t it when you look back over the last few days, weeks or years and see that those moments are a lot harder to identify then if I said, ‘when was the last time someone made you swear?’ (Me; about 40 minutes ago. Sunday night bath time!)

So that’s what I wanted to tell you about this week.

Bliss.

Now we all have our secret hopes, wishes and dreams. Some of us are working hard to bring those dreams to reality. Some, unfortunately, haven’t yet learned that anything is possible. (Big silver rocket propelled tin cans flying through the air peeps!🛫)

You may have your vision board, daily mantras and goal lists of all the things you want. But when you break those dreams and lists down, what we are all really searching for, is happiness.

You want a big house? Why? Because it will make you feel content being at home in beautiful surroundings.

Amazing car? Why? For me, well, I’m a speed freak. I love driving and I like to floor it. The thrill makes me happy.

But what we often don’t see, while we are looking at those big goals, is the tiny steps it takes to get there. We think in leaps and bounds, but it doesn’t work that way.

Success, like happiness, needs to be a regular choice. You have to choose to overlook the hiccups and frustrating times and focus solely on the good.

And do you know what prompted this blog? Being caught in the cold icy rain that is currently belting it down here in Liverpool.

A few nights ago I had forgotten to pick up bread for my kids packed lunch. So I had to go the supermarket after the little’uns went to bed. It isn’t far so I bundled myself up in my big winter waterproof coat (Blessing number 1) and pulled on  my awesome fur lined Caterpillar boots (Blessing number 2) and as I traipsed down the road in the blistering cold, do you know what I saw?

That the rain was absolutely beautiful.

Yes it was colder then a penguin’s bum, but to see the shimmer as it drifted passed the street lights was just sooo beautiful.

When I walked across the car park a cars headlights lit up a patch of the road and it brought a smile to my face watching the rain dance across the puddles. It made me feel like a care free kid again. Splashing in the rain just for the sheer fun of it.

And when I got home I made the most delicious cup of Mocha. All rich and warm and silky smooth. The hint of coffee blending so perfectly with the rich hot chocolate. (Blessing number 3)

And I curled up in my beautiful new livingroom (blessing no 4) and just melted into the cushions, still chilled from the winters walk but content as the warmth from the cup caressed my cold fingers and the rain gently tap danced across the frosted window.

Bliss.

Pure, unfiltered, bliss.

But that was my choice. To see a cold winters walk as an opportunity to explore the world around me in a different light.

Obviously my initial thought was aggghhh I’ve got to go out in that. And it’s cold and dark and I don’t want to move. Imagine my walk if I had chosen to stay in that frame of mind? Chose not to make it an adventure. I would have kept my head down to avoid the cold. I would have bitched and moaned about the cold and wet all the way there and all the way back and I would have been in a foul mood when I got back.

I wouldn’t have looked up in to the wind and saw how the street lights made the rain shimmer.

Or I would have moaned about muddy boots as I stomped across the car park oblivious to the little water party in every puddle.

I would have missed all the little gifts along the way.

All life’s little pleasure, free for us to enjoy.

So on these dark, cold, winters’ nights; as we wait for spring to return,

Look for your own bliss.

Find happiness wherever and whenever you can.

Laugh, smile, shiver in the cold and enjoy the warmth as you return home.

All blessings. All a form of bliss.

All within your grasp, my friend.

All there for you to enjoy.

Happiness is a choice.

Always.

  ❤

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The Power of Faith

So over Christmas I thought it would be a good idea to talk about faith. But to be completely honest, I moved house, so  I ended up taking December off (one of the joys of being self employed) And as we fall into the energetic lift of the new year, I find myself still pondering the power of faith. So here it is:

You are enough.

When I talk about faith I don’t mean religion. Faith is a huge part of religion obviously, but what I have discovered on my little’ol’ souls journey is that most religions, at their core, preach the same core lessons. Love, forgiveness and overcoming adversity. Faith comes in many shapes and forms but when we think of faith we automatically think of religion. But faith and religion are two different things. I bumped into a Born Again Christian the other day which inspired this blog. When I told her I communicate with spirit, she looked at me like I was the Devil! She thought my poor little soul had been corrupted. Until I pointed out that I have had my gifts since I was a child which I believe was definitely a gift from God. I’m a healer through and through. That stumped her a bit! But it got me thinking again about the power of faith and how it has been overshadowed by religion.

I believe in the ever lasting power and development of my soul. One that doesn’t need to sit on a big old fluffy cloud feeling peaceful and happy forever and a day. I’m a go’getter; even on a soul level. So I can see (and anyone who knows me personally would know) that I probably got really bored, really quickly, hanging round fluffy clouds all day and night. So I definitely believe in multiple lives. Energy is never created or destroyed, it just changes form. Scientific fact.

I’m very much in to science (yes im a geek and damn proud of it) and I’m very much into the law of attraction too. One of the ‘secrets’ of the law of attraction and manifestation is faith. And as I am (slowly) starting to get better at flexing my manifestation muscle, I realised that as an entrepreneur you have to have massive amounts of faith in yourself. And I think this is where religion and spiritual people and scientist all come at loggerheads.

Religious people believe power comes from an external source. Spiritual people also believe the same but usually in the form of guardian angels and spirit teams as opposed to one almighty God. (Yes I know religious people believe in Angels or ‘higher beings’ too but I’m trying to keep it simple here!) Scientist believe in the power of physics; of the ebb and flow of molecules that form and flow in a (hopefully) predictable manner. (Except for ya’know Chaos Theory and all’that)

But I’ve come to learn that actually your beliefs, whatever they are, are correct for you. No one is right or wrong as all our lives lead back Home. Home to you might be back to your Gods Grace. It might be Heaven, Shamayim or Jannah, or you might believe your molecules breakdown and go back into the nitrogen cycle, back into the circle of energy or be reincarnated back into the Circle of Life. Your life experiences and your souls journey has led you to a belief system that works for you (which is why we should respect other peoples beliefs even if they are different to our own).

But whatever you believe requires a leap of faith. A belief in a power of something bigger then ourselves. But what I want you to consider is that actually the power comes from you.

If you need something and are religious you will pray for that thing to be brought to you. And ‘God’* will provide it for you. If you’re spiritual you’ll manifest the shit out of that thing until it appears. If you’re a scientist or an atheist you will work diligently to bring that thing to reality.

 *(I’m gonna keep saying God because it’s quicker than copying and pasting God/Allah/The Universal Power/etc/etc/etc)

But consider this: what ever your belief, you are the starting point. Your thoughts wishes and prayers are what pushes the thought out of your mind and into reality and the more you believe you will be provided for, the quicker that thing will be given to you. Because when you’re desperate for it, you put more power into the thought. So do you see that it is really just you that creates the faith? That the power is not external but rather something you push forward into the world with all the power, dedication and belief in your heart?

So consider this: you are enough. When we feel frustrated, or happy. When we feel rewarded or let down. Non of it matters. Because so long as you remember to have faith in yourself you will always be enough. You will always have enough. Because you have the ability to change. You have the ability to recognise what’s working for you and what isn’t. To shift your thoughts and your feelings and your habits. To create a life that makes you happy. Or sad. You shift your thoughts, have faith that change is possible, then you shift your life by waiting for that thing to materialise. But Faith is the key. And the stronger your faith is in your own power the easier your path will become.

Remember that your thoughts (or prayers) are the seeds that grow and faith is how we nourish them. So if you just remember that the more you have faith in yourself, the more you fill your heart up with love for yourself the easier it is for God/The Law of Attraction/Fate to provide all that you want or need. Your thoughts have power and faith is the driving force.

THE ONE THING THAT CHANGED MY LIFE FOR THE BETTER

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So let’s face it, life is pretty tough sometimes. And to be honest, I’m going through a rough time at the minute, as so many of us are (You can read about this HERE if you’re having a bad time too). I’ve got 4 children. My two eldest have ADHD and my two youngest well, the baby is cutting her molars (poor baby) and my two year old is right in the mix of the terrible two’s! My house is LOUD and coming to visit us isn’t for the faint hearted. And just as we come up to the crazy run up to Christmas, we are about to move into a new house with no furniture (and only a hope and a prayer (and the Law of attraction) to make sure it all gets delivered in time for Christmas). I’ve got two products to develop and launch: one before Christmas and one for the New Year. Plus 4 kids with various coughs, colds and snotty noses. Needless to say I am sleep deprived and STRESSED. And as we so often do when we are stressed, we slip into a negative mindset. So this week I wanted to tell you a quick piece of advice if you’re feeling stressed too.

I was lying in bed a few months ago. My eldest daughter was snuggled next to me. I was thinking of the terrible shooting that had occurred in yet another school in America. I was getting really upset thinking God, imagine all those parents getting their kids ready for school like I will be in a minute. Packing their lunches, reminding them to pack their homework or PE kit. Giving them a hug and kiss as they left. Not realising that they would never, ever get the chance to do that again. Just a normal school day. Like any other. Except that on that day, their children never came home.

And I lay there, my heart breaking for all those poor parents.

So with tears in my eyes, I cuddled my Bella closer to me; so grateful for a moment shared in comfort and peace.

She had a faint smile on her lips so I asked her,

‘What are you thinking of sweetheart?’

And she answered in a way that absolutely floored me. It changed my life forever.

‘Flowers and Roses Mummy’ she said.

I was confused. ‘What do mean love? There’s no flower’s in here’

‘I know’ she said. ‘But I was looking at how pretty the sequins are on the curtains. The way the light is hitting them, it makes them sparkle and they reminded me of flowers and roses Mummy. They look soooo beautiful’

And in that moment, my world shifted. Because I had forgotten one of my core beliefs. The thing that I tell my clients of over and over again: That happiness is a CHOICE.

It’s so so easy to find and focus on the negative stuff in the world. But just a slight shift in perspective changes it all. As we get older it’s so easy to fall into the trap of seeing the world through a negative filter.

But children are so precious. They see the world through a completely different lens. Well nurtured children are so happy. They have so much love to bring to the world, these amazing little beings of light. We can learn a lot from them.

So the next time you think the world is shit, you’ve got to make a conscious effort to shift your thoughts. (Sometimes it takes a huge effort) and remember, as my Bella so eloquently put it, to ALWAYS look for the Flowers and Roses.

Battle Fatigue and Why life is shit right now

 So there are many times in a Lightbears life when you think, ‘I just can’t take any more of this shit’ and then, of course, the God’s laugh and throw something bigger at you. And it’s tough. It sucks. Big time. I’ve always had big life lessons (Have you read my About me page yet?) but this is different. And that’s what I wanted to talk to you about this week.

The last time I went through a huge uplevel was back in 2007. Not long after I was in caught up in the London bombings, in the space of two years, I was nearly raped, my childhood friend died suddenly age 29 after being on life support for 5 days, I lost my job (as result of the rape), had a mental breakdown, was unable to find work because the economy crashed, lost my business investments and my home, found out I was pregnant, had several miscarry scares, had to declare bankruptcy, was in labour for 68 hours, got traumatised by one of my doctors which resulted in a forceps delivery; the trauma of which left me with post natal depression.

But it wasn’t just me. At that time, everyone seemed to be going through hell .The whole world had an energetic wake up when the economy crashed. People were taking themselves out of the game by committing suicide. It seemed everyone knew someone who was dying of cancer. Honestly there were so many people (particularly light bearers) who went through hell. And it seems to be happening again. 11 Years later, in a 11 year (2018 = 2+1+8) you can learn about how I got stalked by the number 11 here

But it’s not just me. The whole world seems to be going psycho again.  America is like a bad episode Jeremy Kyle. And it would be funny if it wasn’t so terrifyingly similar to Hitlers Nazis regime; Peaceful religions are being dominated by lunatics who are hell bent on taking over the world. The planet is dying as we poison it on a daily basis. Honestly the world seems to be one gigantic mess. But as the saying goes, “So what. Who cares?” we’ve all got a sob story to tell, right? And to be honest I really couldn’t be arsed this week to reach out to you. I spent a rollercoaster 10 minutes on Sunday hiding in the bathroom sobbing like a lunatic. And I never cry. I just didn’t get it. I felt so confused. One minute im fine and the world is great. Next minute I’m bipolar and I felt like I just couldn’t take this shit any more. I normally do my blogs on a Sunday night (UK time) but I just couldn’t be arsed this week because how can I give hope to others when I feel broken myself? But here we are, 2 days later. I pushed on because I know it’s not just me going through this shit.

Lots of my clients right now are teetering on the edge of emotional meltdowns. Their lives are a rollercoaster. One minute your fine and the world is this beautiful amazing place and next minute you feel like your drowning and every time you think you can catch your breath, another wave comes crashing down over your head.

So what I want to say is this: It’s ok. You’re not alone. There are many of us the world over going through what you’re going through right now. It’s ok to feel lost or feel like you’re drowning.  Or that you can’t take it any more. (And that’s bloody hard to admit when you’re a strong person) But it’s going to be ok. Yes it’s overwhelming, yes it’s traumatic and yes sometimes you feel like your heart and chest are going to break with the pain of it all. But its ok. Because I promise you. It’s for a damn good reason, even if you can’t see what that reason is right now.

 Yes your world is crashing down around your ears right now. Why? Because you can’t build a new future on unstable ground. Everything around you is being razed to the ground so you can start fresh!

Remember the Phoenix? It doesn’t fight the fire. Yes it hurts like hell when you’re going through it, but that’s the point. Having been through pain beyond endurance (Not just 68 hours of labour. I’ve been through pain worse than that) I can tell you, when you’re in pain, when you are CONSUMED by it, it burns everything away. And it doesn’t matter if it’s physical pain or mental pain, current hurts or remembered ones; it burns everything away. When it hurts so bad that you can’t even breathe, the pain literally strips you bare; until all that is left is YOU.

My pain, my traumas, they set me free. I know who I am at my core. When everything was taken away from me, when there is nothing left to give, I learned who I am and what I’m capable of. Not many people reach that level of self awareness. Because with that pain comes a confidence that is unshakeable. And it lit me up. I’m like a beacon in the dark now. And this pain that you’re going through now, this heartache, it will set you free.

Yes it hurts like a bitch. It won’t kill you, but it will break you. And that’s the point. Please just trust in the process.

If you’re a strong person you will feel like you are being hit with wave after wave of shittyness. Probably all at once. BECAUSE THAT’S HOW MUCH IT TAKES TO BREAK YOU! Because you need to reach a point, not were you give up (if you’re like me you’ll never let that happen) but were you’ve just got no more fight left in you. Were you’re battle fatigued and you can no longer swing back. That’s the point were the magic happens! You are not meant to fight the tide. You can’t win against the ocean. When we surrender the fight, when we no longer have the energy to swim but refuse to sink, then my friend and only then, will you let the tide carry you.

 

My Gladiator tattoo. Done after I was nearly raped in 2006. It was inspired by the film the 300. They went to war not because they wanted to. But because it needed to be done. It’s my little reminder that I’m stronger then I think I am.

The Invictus was added this year. When I heard the Invictus Poem (By William E. Hensley) it was the second stanza that called to me

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This poster can be purchased at  https://thecaptainslog.com/shop/invictus-poster-a3/